MOVED. RELINK!
forsakenprints.livejournal.com

forsakenprints.livejournal.com

i'm starting to panic over APs, so i'm not willing to study coz i dont want to find out how much i actually dont know and start panicking even more. well, i was feeling really scared, so i just looked up at my wall, the orange gigantic card y4 made ferr my 15th birthday. its amazing how amost 2 years have passed. well, not really but i'm trying to convince myself that i'm GOING TO BE 17(x i'll put up the note they wrote ferr me when i get back to the hostel. well, those words made me feel really encouraged. its like, barney loves you, we love you, God loves you even more! quote from fish's part of the card. felicia wrote about how i'll never get to be older or as old as her, tab wrote about being in childrens' choir, and elsa wrote about our beloved octopus creatures and colgate smiles(: these group of people are friends that i will remember for life. not just because we're in the same church, but we grew up together, stood by each other through think and thin, laughed and cried together. i remember our photo when fish, elsa and i made it to the top of the pyramid at west coast park in primary school. elsa still had 2 ponytails at that time! yes of course, our choir days, when uncle ricky made elsa cry, fish me and tab had solo parts, (i want to..BIRDS IN THE SKY) okays, no one will really get that except us. childrens' choir was what i loved, what i looked forward to in church sunday after sunday. i wished it lasted, but it didnt. i think we all were really hurt and we avoided that topic for some time before facing reality and moving on. i guess things in life really come and go, and nothing's meant to last. well, thats life ferr me. its amazing how the senior batch of choir members are mostly still involved with choir. siyang, shiyong, tab, jorel, quanxiang, etc.

its amazing how we somehow all got back into 1 group when we joined cell. if not because serene agreed to let me change group, i think i would not be with the youths now. anyways, i realised that i cannot carry on with this attitude this year, so i'm still trying to just live with my current group. lets just get it over and done with please? i kind of still want back y4. i'm not exactly against my group, neither am i for it. at least i've still got elsa(:

the childrens' worship band, disbanded, torn apart, never will i be as close to this group again. i really miss our fellowship, although i know its not very possible. i will never forget the p6, sec 1 days we shared together. you guys were the best friends i had, i thought it would last, but again, i was proven wrong. i never seem to learn my lesson, thus i keep getting hurt each time i realise that something wont last. now, i hope i dont make the same mistake, nothing last, live with it mel. mengyih, samuel, joshua, ryan, hope that you guys will never ever waste your talent. it was my joy, my honour to play in the band with you guys. i know i was really a pain at that time, but you guys gave in to me, accepted me despite my childish behaviours. when i cried, you guys were the ones that put a smile on my face again, encouraging me, lending me a shoulder, telling me a joke, talking to me, whatsoever. maybe that was why i never grew up, coz i had you guys to depend on. well, its not a bad thing, dont worry(: what you guys did ferr me, i'm really thankful. even now, mengyih has to give in to me, joshua jsut laughs at my childish behaviours and sam just smiles all day long. thanks a lot, even though we're no longer as close as before.

i'm scared of growing up. i feel really childish ferr my age, so scared that its not so easy for people to accept me anymore. forced to grow up in such a horrible society, i'm sorry if i hurt anyone in the process.

lets get to the school part now. school, mg still holds many memories ferr me. reluctant to leave at first, hating my present school for torturing me, hating my parents who made me really stressed over meeting the criteria of the scholarship, i know realise that it made me grow, a lot. maybe i'm not totally independant now, but much more independant than before. mg gave me my firm foundations in Christ, and if not ferr mg, i would have let go out christianity by now. i admit, the journey, the life of a christian is not easy. i struggled through yr 3, coz i've been in a methodist school since nursery. 11 years, and suddenly, i'm put in a SECULIAR school. (yes its spelt correctly, hee) seniors told me how many people let go of their religious believes coz of what the school taught, and i was scared to fall victim to that as well. over the last 2 years, instead of backsliding, i've grown closer to God, entrusting everything to Him. maybe still trying to, but i'm sure its so much easier than trying to take things into my own hands.

i've been living with this 'i-hate-this-school/nus-high-sucks' attitude ferr a long enough time. but for a few weeks, i've been reflecting on my days in this school. maybe it was tough, but i learnt alot, more than just things found in text books or math and science fields. i thought about whether i'll miss the school when i leave and this time, i realised that i would. iono when i started getting so attached to the school. maybe its just because as president, i just want to try to do something that is meaningful, thus i'm really trying to put in all that i can into it. i'm sorry if i'm putting this pressure on the people that are working with me, but i really hope that we all can make a difference, though it may not be big, but it will still be meaningful. i'm going to miss all my friends in this school when i leave, really. the guys are heading into army, the girls, going into all the really great universities. will i still be able to keep the friendships made? i'm scared that its going to be something that wouldnt last again.

maybe this post is all about my reflections on my sec school days. all the bittersweet memories, all the pleasures shared and PRESSURES shared, yes pressure, i can say that i am happy to be a nus high student. Maybe i dont dare to profess the name of nus high as yet, but i know that i will not be afraid to deny the fact that i am an nus high student. this school taught me how to have an interest in everything in life, how to persevere, and how to be someone who really thinks. yes, so now no one can call me a bimbo(x plus i've watched doomsday! okays, randomness can.

its really really bloody, so dont watch it if you hate those scenes unless you intend to do what i did, close my eyes whenever necessary, which means missing about 1/3 of the show. hahahs. i was being laughed at okays. andand, it was quite funny how the row in front of us got scolded by some uncle, i think, coz they were talking to loudly, according to the uncle. well, i didnt hear them say a word actually. hahahs. maybe it was us making a lot of noise(x with my screeches and everything. we didnt expect it to be some really bloody show. hahahs. too bad no chris evans=X hahahs.

ohyes, I WANT TO ANNOUNCE THAT I'VE GOT SORE EYES]: I HOPE IT GETS BETTER SO I CAN GO BACK TO THE HOSTEL SO THAT I WONT HAVE TO TRAVEL TO SCHOOL BY MYSELF TMR. MY NOSE IS BLOCKED, MY THROAT IS HOARSE, I NEED A DOCTOR'S TENDER LOVING CARE(x