4/25/2008 01:35:00 am
Friday, April 25, 2008
its really late now! i cant sleep. i think my body has decided to become a relative of the owl; nocturnal. yesyes. just finished doing a bit of math. i've een wasting loads of time already, got to start trying to study more more more for AP]: sheesh. no time to be emo! yes no time at all. but i think its just the feelings that set in at random times of the month.
BFF!you're not dumb(: relax and be brave! i'm having faith in you! PLEASE DONT GET AN ANG MOH BOYFRIEND FROM TP OR I MIGHT JUST MURDER HIM. hahahs. i know you wont coz you're like me, we support locals.i think striding helps me not to waste too much energy, as well as to train(: a few times, i try to get things of out my head by running, causing me to overstrain myself. well, i've became smarter! running after taking a puff of my inhaler^^ that way, i can push myself even more than what i can do, and i will not feel the effect! maybe in the long run, but i dont really care now. i'm desperate to get anything that will get me down out of my way. i've got to FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS(:i've been messing up too much. i keep getting into situations at the wrong times. sometimes, i'm too late, sometimes i do the wrong thing, sometimes i jsut dont do anything. when will i ever make the right decisions, do the right thing, at the right time? i think i need tuition on the way of life.=X
that was seriously random. this is when i feel totally helpless. i want to move on but i really really am struggling. plus now all the other factors that seem to intensify my torture, i really want to give up.
1 corinthians 10:13 i think. God will provide a way out so that i can stand up under it, but whether i take the way He provides is another thing. Will i be able to see the way He's providing right now? i hope i do, but i'm not sure. patience is what i need, to have the time and moments of stillness to wait on His word, to reflect on what has been going on in my life and how i tried to act smart and not letting Him be the centre of it all. I think this reminds me of sunday, when i nearly broke out in tears. a lot of things flashed in my mind that day. i think a lot of people knew that i werent myself although i went around taking photos, looking happy and all. maybe thats why i'm not close to people in church except for y4. they dont know whats going on in my life but they act like they do. when i'm not happy or the hyper me, they ask, why am i not hyper, why am i not my normal self, rather than asking the reason behind it. like, i'm suppose to be normal only when i'm hyper? i'm human and i've got feelings, so i cannot be hyper all the time, yes i can rejoice, but that is not saying that i dont have my down times okays. sheesh. i really hate saying anything that may stumble my friends who have yet to even step into a church, but i've got to say that a church is just like a society, just that the influence is better. again, that's subjective. i know i've got a great environment in my church,as in,its way better than in society, but its not the best. the best, for sure, is in heaven, when all tears will be wiped away and i'll have my little house of gold and streets that are filled with the sweetest and nicest things. I CANT WAIT(: thats my motivation, my source of strength, my final goal in life.NOW I SHALL NOT BE TOO UPSET FOR NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN AS I'VE GOT THE BESTEST HOUSE! my house of gold! i'll draw it out one day and show all of you what a great place heaven is! and everyhting is built but the wondeful architect, GOD MY BIG DADDY! oh mans, i remember how i used to call God my big daddy in my primary school days and i'll be so happy by saying that. i wish life was as simple.
