i think i cant take it anymore but i really dont know what to do. i'm in a state of dilemma. i dont even know if anything was meant to be. they say the test of time tells best. maybe its true and now we know the strain of this whole thing. the smiles that are never real anymore. the smiles that i can never get back. even if i do its not from you. its all the tears that i get. iono if i'm silly or dumb or whatever. all i know or maybe i should realise is i most probably made the wrong choice and i should stop hoping it'll change coz it'll just get worse by the days. i gave away my chances of never crying again. i chose you although even when you werent able to assure me that i will be able to smile. i'm really controlling myself. i dont know why i'm deceiving myself. i'm not myself. i started off not knowing who i really was. i'm going to end it by not knowing who i am. everything about me is so unreal. every change is just so that you'll be happier but you know that you're not in love with me. its some artificial girl of your dreams that will not last. i shall not go on. its just abig mistake. even the slightest good memories dont hold anymore. i dont remember them all. i think of you i think of tears. i think of heartaches i think of suicidal acts. i get stressed when i dont please you. and all you want me to do is talk when you know i cant talk. i hate talking. all i say is things that make people laugh. i dont even get to do that anymore. even more hurt because of the same root. my only acheivement is robbed from me. i give up friends i give up studies i give up spending i give up time. must i give up my life before you're satisfied? then you will be able to tell your friends what a great person you are to make a girl like me become like this because of you. i chose not to believe what my friends said of you but its so tempting ferr me to believe them now.do whatever you want. continue breaking me. ruin my future. go ahead. coz you're doing a great job. now i'll just get through a local uni maybe. maybe not even there. i wont even get a chance to go to uni. and i wont become a taitai. coz you're not the kind of guy that i always say i want. i say i want riches and spiritual and charisma. and its all words only. coz it was none of these that drew me to you. i hate myself. why cant i be more courageous instead of letting you lord over me. go back to being your guy. let me be myself. maybe i should seriously sit down and list down what reasons there are to love you and i'll be more courageous to be who i am. because in front of you, i can never be who i am.
